


The Bible of Vanoss

by guren666, Heal_L



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Blow Jobs, Church Sex, M/M, Sex, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-19 22:23:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18979537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guren666/pseuds/guren666, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heal_L/pseuds/Heal_L
Summary: Brian was having a bad time on Call of Duty Blackout so he rage quit and went for a walk. That is when his life would change forever





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer!  
> This is just a CrackFic, this is not to be taken seriously.

Brian cut his Blackout Stream short because he wasn't having a good day, he wasn't playing well for some reason and Brian thought it would be best to end the stream there and then before he broke something expensive. 

Brian went for a walk to calm his mind. Brian walked for about 5 minutes before he was reminded by a poster on a games shop window by how bad he was playing today which made him more angry.

''Why in the fuck was I playing so badly today, I don't understand'' Brian scorned as he sat down on a nearby bench. Brian was sitting there on his phone sending out a tweet *I'm sorry I ended the stream early guys, I was not having much fun on blackout today*. He was just about to click the send button when he heard something 

''Howdy Doody Brian'' 

Brian looked up and saw some random guy in an Owl mask wearing a robe with his hood up.

''Who the fuck are you?'' Brian asks looking very confused.

''I am known by many names, Vanoss, Hoodini, Owl Dusty. Take your pick'' The strange owl man replied. Brian just sat there starting blankly at him.

''I seen that you are having a bad time with Blackout, so I came down, from the YouTube heavens to tell you about the almighty Shotgun Farmers'' Vanoss said to Brian. ''Shotgun farmers.. what is that?'' Brian replied.

Vanoss held out his hand to Brian ''Come with me, and I will show you the way''. For some reason, Brian didn't question him, he just grabbed onto his hand and followed him to a building that looked like a run down church. This building had a sign in front saying  
*The Holy Church of the Banana Bus*

''Why have you brought me to this place? ... It looks abandoned'' Brian asks. But without thinking, he still followed Vanoss inside. Upon entering, he saw a row of benches, and an altar with a very expensive looking gaming setup on, and a big screen above showing gameplay of some weird looking game. 

Walking further inside, Brian heard someone shouting  
''ALL PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY OWL... VANOSS, THE BEST SHOTGUN FARMERS PLAYER KNOWN TO MANKIND!'' 

Brian looked over to the person who was shouting, and the person he saw wore a blue racket, with the face of a clown. 

''Oh god, have I got myself involved with a cult or something?'' Brian was thinking to himself. 

''Come with me, and I will let you have a couple games'' Vanoss said. Brian just nodded his head and followed Vanoss to the altar where the PC was with Shotgun Farmers loaded up. Brian sat down on the chair, and put his hands on the mouse and keyboard and just played for about an hour. 

''This game is amazing, thank you Lord Vanoss for blessing me with this'' Brian said after he finished playing. Brian then went down on all fours in front of Vanoss  
''Almighty lord Vanoss, let me get down on all fours and worship you thoroughly'' Brian said, sounding completely brainwashed. 

Vanoss just stood there looking down on Brian. ''I guess it is time for your.. Initiation, it is up to you if you want to go through with it'' Vanoss said to Brian sounding very seductive  
Brian looked up at Vanoss ''If its for you, anything'' Brian replied. 

Vanoss just stood there, slowly raising his robe, showing 1 leg at a time  
''I'm sure you know where this is going'' Vanoss says. Brian nods and then crawls closer to Vanoss, then lifts his arms and places around Vanoss's waist while still being on his knees, Brian starts praising his new lord in a very special way.  
While Brian was pleasing his new god, he heard a strange a strange clapping sound coming from one of the benches, decides to ignore it until the deed is done. after a short while, Brian was sprayed with the Holy Juice. 

''You are now one of us Brian, that was amazing'' Vanoss told Brian.  
Brian looked up, covered in Holy Juices ''Thank you my lord Vanoss''. 

After Brian said that, he remembered hearing a strange noise coming from the benches. He looked over and saw a clown face staring at them with a creepy smile on his face. 

The End


	2. The Holy Homeless Panda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthony did not expect his life to turn out like this. Went from a nice sleep in some park bushes to a wild time at a church

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just like the first chapter, this is just a CrackFic, and not to be taken seriously.

In a park in the middle of a city, there was a panda, not your normal black and white panda, it was just a homeless man in red speedos and a panda hat. This homeless panda was just sleeping in a bush when he heard some irish man sounding angry at something.

''Why in the fuck was I playing so badly today, I don't understand'' The Homeless Panda heard. After hearing that, he makes his way out of the bush to take a peek at what was going on. 

''look mommy, some pedo in speedos'' a kid walking past shouts while pointing at the Homeless man. 

''Careful child, watch where you reach'' The mother says and pulls the child away from the proximity of the homeless man. 

Anthony was too focused on the angry Irish man to notice the kid and the mother. Moments later, he notices a strange man approaching the Irishman. 

''Oh fuck, not this guy again'' The Homeless man says as he proceeds to hide in the bush he jumped out from and decides to watch from a distance. He doesn't know exactly what is being said between the two of them because he is too far away. 

Moments later, the two started walking together somewhere, and the Homeless man decides to follow them for some reason. as he was following them, he noticed them walk into an old church. 

*The Holy Church of the Banana Bus* 

''What a creepy looking place this is'' the homeless man said to himself. he slowly and quietly moved up to the window, and had a peek inside, first thing he saw was a clown squeezing his wiener, then he looked to the front and saw the Irishman on his knees in front of the owl with some thick white paste all over him. 

Anthony jumped back in surprise and fell on his back ''WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING HERE!'' he shouted. He then covered his mouth because he realised he was being too loud. ''I hope no-body heard me'' he said to himself. 

He gets up and tries to sneak away from the church but it was too late, he was caught by a clown and the Irishman and then dragged into the church and placed in front of the owl.

''Hoo might you be panda-man'' Vanoss asks him. The Homeless Panda-man just stares at Vanoss for a moment, hesitant to speak because he seen Vanoss before trying to 'recruit' people to this cult. 

Homeless man finally decides to answer ''M..my name is... Anthony, people usually call me panda because of my hat... expect for this one kid earlier who called me a pedo in speedos'' 

Vanoss laughs at what Anthony said and tells Anthony ''Well then, welcome Panda-man, to The Holy Church of the Banana Bus, come with me and play Shotgun Farmers, you will not regret it'' 

Anthony was hesitant to go up to the altar to play but finally gives into the pressure and plays some Shotgun Farmers. Vanoss was paying close attention to Anthony playing, there was something about Anthony playing with that chicken in Shotgun Farmers that ruffled Vanoss's feathers. 

''I see that you won that game, come here Panda, it is time for your... initiation into our brotherhood'' Vanoss said to Anthony, who now looked like he was hypnotised. 

''Yes, Almight owl, I will do thy bidding oh great one'' Anthony said while standing up from the chair. As Anthony was walking up to Vanoss. Vanoss pointed to the ground and said ''the initiation requires you to be on all fours'' Vanoss said smoothly. 

Anthony didn't say anything and got on all fours, first thing Vanoss saw was a red speedo. He moves his hand towards the red line and moves it to one side. 

''I will conquer this red line'' Vanoss says as he lifts his robe right up, and Vanoss begins to place his holy sceptre into Anthony's abyss. 

''ALRIGHT, I conquered his red line'' Vanoss moaned out loud. Anthony screamed and snapped out of his hypnosis. 

''WH.. WHAA. WHAT IS GOI-'' Anthony screamed, but couldn't finish his sentence because Vanoss started moving violent causing panda to make a lot of weird noises that are untranslatable.  
''My.. my mind is going blank, I can't think of anything but how good this is!'' Anthony exclaims

in the final moments, all that could be heard was Anthony's weird noises and Vanoss shouting ''Keep er' goin'!'' over and over again, until Anthony was smited by the almighty owls' almighty juices.

Anthony collapses to the ground out of exhaustion, and Vanoss, just stands on his feet and then shouts ''I WELCOME THEE PANDA, TO THE CHURCH OF THE BANANA BUS''

Brian stands up from the bench and claps and then says ''why couldn't I have had that for my initiation''  
And Delirious is too busy clapping something else with one hand to be clapping with two hands.

The End


End file.
